Why I disappeared…

“Are you still training?”

“He’s back!”

“I miss my trainer”

Just a few of the statements that I received whenever I would check up on my past clients or from people interested in becoming a client.

I’d always say… “I’m working on a few things” or “I’m getting some stuff lined up behind the scenes…” 

The 100% raw truth is that I was bluffing. I wasn’t working on anything. In fact, I was ready to give up on personal training and my business altogether. Why???

#1: Burnout

#2: Funds

#3: Lack of Belief in myself

Without going into specific details about each number, I’ll summarize it by saying… working for yourself is challenging but not impossible. You have to deal with the waves of the business and constantly have to figure out ways to keep yourself motivated even during the down times from my experience.

It was my first year of going into business for myself from 2022-2023 and trust me, certain stressors were discouraging me and had an impact on me. I learned in business, you will be taken advantage of if you’re too nice and you have to be okay with not being liked.

I started my business up in St Croix where I had very few connections and I wasn’t considered a local by any means. Being a Brooklyn born, Philly raised kid with Jamaican parents, I tried using the fact that I was a Jamaican or Jamerican to get some people to accept me more because to some I was considered a Yankee. I had bad experiences in my other profession on the island and had that word hurled at me. Many embraced me, but little things like this made me feel like I was going to be in for a battle to gain clients knowing that there was an already established personal training community out there. I pushed through. Made connections, some still there, some burnt… it is what it is.

The problem was, I went into the business being happy that I was doing what I loved. I naively thought everyone would respect me for that and would want to pay me for my services. I genuinely wanted to see people improve and sometimes would go overtime to make sure everyone got a quality workout in. I still believe in this. Don’t get me wrong, I have a list of people that I will always love and respect forever. They were my clients that always showed me love and taught me a lot outside of the personal training. I have had more positive cases instead of negative, but since most of us fall victim to human nature… I focused on the negative. 

The stress began to take a toll on me mentally and physically. I lost weight at times from not eating, had nights when I couldn’t sleep, and became very angry at times when I looked at my bank account. Not to mention the times when I took on the stress of my clients when they would open up to me about certain struggles inter lives. I was also having a hard-time gaining new clients at times after having great runs. My mind under-stress wasn’t allowing me to think about better solutions to deal with these issues. 

I’d do some marketing online and people would reach out and when I stated my prices, they’d leave me on read, or say that my prices were too high. My prices were reasonable so I began to become discouraged because maybe some people thought I would enjoy working for free when there were bills to be paid. I gave free sessions on Sundays in the beginning, then I started charging $25 a session and eventually got up to $50 a session after my clients told me that I was worth more. 

Self doubt is a MF’er...

It took multiple clients to convince me to increase my prices because I didn’t even believe in myself. I also felt like I wasn’t the best because I was only officially certified for one year. I'm very critical of myself at times because I want to be the best ever at whatever I do. I ignored the fact that I: went to a college to receive a Bachelor of Science in Exercise Science, ran Track at a D1 College for a year and went through their strength and conditioning program, did an internship at a top notch sports performance center in Pennsylvania, had a background in Muay Thai, tae-kwon do, boxing, close-quarters combat, and with firearms. I had been training for over 15 years since I was 14/15 years old.

I even trained friends and co-workers, on top of all of the knowledge I gained from reading books and program writing before the social media trainers took over. My knowledge and customer service skills were advanced but still I did not think I was that good. I now know differently. 

After a year of starting my business and saw that I could create a niche with Women’s Self Defense, I abruptly left. 

When I relocated, I went through some depression because I felt like I quit on myself and took the easy way out. I worked odd jobs and eventually found myself working at a gym where I would get paid $12 an hour. I also went for another job that was not a good fit for me at all. I finally woke up and said to myself that this is disrespectful to my spirit. I was giving false hope about starting my Patreon for my past clients down on the Island. Again… the self doubt came into play.

Now my head is back in the game and I’m doing things differently. No longer am I focusing on the negativity that occurred in the past as it pertains to my business. I went through it and I learned much about myself, business, and people. I made mistakes and had to figure things out.

I asked Jesus/ Yeshua to help me get through, during those times. He definitely did, as well as my lady, my family, and my St. Croix family. Btw, I consider some friends as family, so you know who you are.

All in all. Wisdom was gained and I’m back due to the fact that this seems to be my calling. A Pastor on the Island told me that this is my form of ministry.

The training world is oversaturated with foolishness and me being gone isn’t combating that.

I appreciate ya’ll for reading this post. Stay tuned I got more to come. Maybe I’ll talk about next the dramatic events that led to me becoming self employed.